I Can't Stand Flying Cars
by various crimes
Summary: Who stole our car? What happens when Sanzo's team loses the ability to continue on their journey? only slight hints of love. . . maybe more in the future!
1. Who Stole Our Car?

" Hakkai!" A Red-haired man shouted stomping around in place with his hands in the air, sadly he was not dancing; he was jumping up and down in hysterics. A calm green clad man walked out of the inn stifling a yawn and not even bothering to acknowledge his irate friend.

" WHERE THE HELL IS OUR RIDE?" He yelled jabbing an accusing finger into the passive man's chest.

"Huh?" He asked, opening forest green eyes and peering into red ones. He looked over the other man's shoulder into the street where he was quite certain he had parked jeep last night. He methodically rolled his head in a circle feeling each and every muscle of his neck work without any hindrance. " That's odd." He looked back at the redhead, scratching his cheek below his eyeglass, "It appears he's missing."

" I already knew that genius!" He shouted, accidentally spitting on the eyeglass. Hakkai removed said glass and rubbed it on the front of his own shirt.

" Gojyo it's not the end of the world, I'm sure he will come back to us shortly."

" Not the end of the world?" He gave a clipped laugh and slapped his thigh for good measure. " Our only means of getting anywhere is gone. And you say it's not the end of the world." Soon he was laughing uncontrollably with tears leaking from his eyes. " No, of course not we're only trying to get to freaking India to stop what was it again? Oh yeeeah . . .. World domination!"

" I assure you Gojyo, that he will return." With that he brushed past him and lightly began walking down the street.

" Where the hell do you think you're going?" Gojyo called.

" To the market to get more supplies." He answered waving.

" Great, just great." He jammed a hand into his pocket and fished out a box of cigarettes. It. Was. Empty.

" Mother of God!"

" Heh, I didn't think you were the type to partake in morning prayers." The priest remarked from the doorway.

" You got any cigarettes?"

"No."

" Don't give me that Sanzo I know you do!" Sanzo merely leaned against the doorframe crossing his arms.

" I need em."

" Damn it!" He cursed running his hand through his long hair angrily. He should have told Hakkai to pick some up, " Dammit Dammit Dammit Dammit Dammit!"

" And now you're chanting."

" If you don't stop giving me your religious crap I'm gonna stick this useless lighter up your ass!"

" Why would you want to do that?" Ah the voice of reason from the naïve child.

" Butt out Goku." Gojyo snarled.

" What's with you and butts today huh?"

"Shut up you little monster!"

" Hey that's uncalled for!"

" Guys?" Sanzo tried to intervene with patience.

" No it's not and I can think of a lot of worse things I could call you! You freaking pet!"

" What?"

"Gojyo, if you don't shut up I'll murder you."

He gulped, this time out of a billion no, he had stopped counting the amount of times Sanzo had threatened his life however, this time he truly meant it. He slowly turned his head and his nose was practically swallowed by the black hole of Sanzo's gun. He nodded not saying a word.

"Let's go monkey." Sanzo ordered, knocking Gojyo over as he and Goku both strode into the town.

" How did this happen?" Gojyo wondered scratching his head and looking at the dusty road. " It's all that damn dragon's fault!"

Meanwhile, Hakkai was not actually browsing the vendors' display of fine fruits and vegetables; he was currently running around calling for his dragon at the top of his lungs.

" Hakuryu!" He pleaded looking into the sky for any sign of his little white dragon with the unique ability to transform. What could have happened to Jeep? He wondered as he gazed up and ran into a burly man.

"Watch where you're going!"

"I'm sorry." He replied quietly, " I was just looking for my . . . balloon."

" Moron." The man grumbled side stepping him. He sighed and slowly dragged his feet no longer watching the sky.

" Oh Hakuryu, where are you?" He whispered. Little did he know of the events taking place far, far, above him.

A bare foot kicked out and slammed into a wooden table as a loosely dressed Goddess shrieked with laughter. A golden anklet twisted up her ankle matching her necklace and armband perfectly, all these jewels stood out in sharp contrast to her white flimsy gown. The table was situated directly to the side of a magnificent pool of misty water covered in pale lotus flowers.

" This is too much!" She gasped shaking her head. She turned and ordered her attendant to view the fun with her. When was the last time she had witnessed so much raw emotion on earth? Love and anger batting heads as her four travelers made their slow and arduous journey west. It was brilliant, absolutely brilliant, why couldn't she call their dragon to her whenever she pleased? It needed rest. She softly stroked its white shiny scales, as it lay curled on her lap. The creature was not in any mortal danger, but only in the grasp of such a deep slumber that it was able to stay with her, for the time being.


	2. Man Down

"Sanzo . . ." Goku called weakly greatly slowing down the pace. They had been walking for two days, through a narrow gorge with cliffs looming over them on both sides.

" I know monkey, you need food." Sanzo mumbled almost gently.

" Yo Sanzo what's the big deal?" Gojyo asked eyeing Goku perplexedly, " The runt always complains about food."

" If we don't find him something to eat soon he'll die." He bit out.

"WHAT!" Hakkai and Gojyo both exclaimed in unison.

" Yes." Sanzo stopped walking putting a hand to his own forehead. " Normally he can go for weeks without food, I mean he's practically immortal, it's just that . . . I've spoiled him." He sighed glaring at the small pebbles on the ground. He turned quickly to Goku when he felt a tug on the sleeve of his white robes.

"Sa-" the hand relaxed as Goku fell into Sanzo's arms.

He looked up at Hakkai over Goku's head, " He's out." He said in a monotone voice while swiftly shifting him to his back. Goku looked like a human backpack or perhaps a baby monkey clinging to a parent or a tree. Sanzo carefully stood straight and began walking ahead again.

" Great now I have more bags to carry." Gojyo groaned, as he was loaded with Goku's bag. Hakkai clapped him on the shoulder remarking,

" That's the least of your worries, with these high walls it would be the perfect place for an-"

"STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE BALDY!"

" An ambush." He finished.

" Hakkai just chi the little freak." Sanzo growled.

" As much as I would like to I'd have to decline." He answered smiling.

A short, orangey-red haired girl with inhumanly possible large breasts appeared above them. But she is a demon so maybe that gives her ' heightened' feminine attributes, though it is a wonder that she can even stand, let alone run and make flying leaps. Though her dubious breasts are mounds compared to the mountains of the woman next to her. Hakkai waved at the second woman with a friendly smile causing Gojyo to roll his eyes,

" This trip keeps getting better and better." He grumbled glaring at the newcomers, curious to see if his brother was among them. His shoulders gave an involuntary shiver as his memories threatened to overtake him. He shook his head and dispelled the horrifying images; he would let them flood him at a later time.

The shorter girl was very angry when she could not pounce onto Sanzo's back, as she was accustomed to doing.

" Hey what's the big idea?" Her eyes shifted from him and to the boy currently latched in her favorite spot. " How come you're carrying him?" She ran down the steep incline at a terrorizing speed and then stopped and began poking Goku in the cheek. "Come on wake him up so you can carry me! "

" Get away you annoying thing!" Sanzo all but shouted. To this she only stuck her tongue out and made a little dancing swirl,

" Come on Sanzo don't you want to play with me?"

"No, do I look like the type that wo-"

" But you hang out with this loser don't you?" She asked picking up Goku's head by his hair and looking at his closed eyes. That was the last straw. Sanzo brandished his gun and shot it between her feet. She jumped back yelping and trying to hide behind Yaone, her servant/caretaker/friend.

"Okay that just made my day." Gojyo smirked. Hakkai laughed softly trying to reassure Yaone at the same time,

" Don't worry you know Sanzo, he would never actually-"

" Shut it Hakkai."

"Um."

" I'm going to tell my brother you were mean to meeeeeee!" The demon cried.  
" Go ahead, I'm sure the sound of his despicable voice will rouse the monkey enough to kick his ass."

" You did not just dis my brother!"

"That is exactly what I did little stalker."

" B-but Sanzo I thought we were friends."

" What on earth gave you that idea?"

"Your pretty eyes, face, and hair that told me that you had a glowing and sparkling personality, and your aura was just so welcoming."

"SOMEBODY STOP HER I THINK I JUST PISSED MY PANTS!" Gojyo howled laughing like a maniac. His outburst was enough to shut her up but he still couldn't contain himself " Sanzo" snort, " Sparkling personality!" He opened his eyes to look at the death glare on Sanzo's face, " Sooooo welcoming!" He just about had a fit.

" Lirin I think you've had enough fun for one day." Yaone spoke delicately taking her by the shoulders and trying to pull her away.

" What's so funny?" She asked in puzzlement.

" She still doesn't get it?" Gojyo choked from the ground.

"Calm yourself Gojyo." Hakkai interrupted sternly. The two women were just about to return to wherever they hid their giant dragons, when Sanzo did something unbelievable.

" Wait . . . kid." He said faintly. Her ears twitched and she stopped.

"What do you want?" She answered crossing her arms under her chest.

" Do you have any food?" He begged. Sanzo was begging . . .

"Pinch me Hakkai I'm dreaming." Gojyo stared in open disbelief. Hakkai poked him in the side with a glowing finger.

"OW WHAT THE HELL?"

" I'm sorry did I wake you?" Hakkai answered grinning deceptively.

" And why should I help you!" Lirin demanded, turning to Sanzo.

"If you do, I promise to play games with you . . . so many that we'll run out of ideas of what to play." He coaxed. She took one small step toward him,

" Really?" She asked with wide green eyes.

" Yes." He reluctantly replied. Lirin jumped up with joy and then ran grabbing Yaone by the hand as they took off.

"Sanzo I didn't think you knew that many games . . ."

" Not now." He stated and he crouched near the cliff to lean Goku up against the wall. Then he wearily sat down next to him to wait for the annoying girl to come back.

"Sanzo really is worried about monkey-boy ain't he?"

" I'm a tad worried myself Gojyo."

"You are?"

" Yes, I just hope he revives soon if only to ease Sanzo's temper."

" Yeah that Lirin chick better watch out he might really hit her."

" Which would not be too unpleasant would it?"

" I can not believe that just came out of your mouth!" Gojyo exclaimed. Hakkai leaned a bit toward him before saying, " You know of plenty of things I _could_ do with my mouth." And then he primly walked toward the others as if he had just commented on the weather.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: yes Hakkai is out of character. . . I couldn't help myself. Sanzo totally can shoot me.

Or I could save myself by saying that Gojyo's personality is rubbing off on Hakkai? Yeah that's it I'm saved! Sanzo can go point his gun at someone else.


	3. I'll Get You Back

I'll Get You Back

Lirin's high-pitched laugh scared away all the demons that were lurking ahead of them. She kept running and then slowing down waiting for Sanzo to catch up with her before letting out a shriek and running full tilt again.

" I can't believe she hasn't gotten bored yet." The cigarette-deprived half-breed remarked, watching Sanzo's stiff back as he walked sedately in front of him.

"This is Lirin, you know she could probably keep this up all night." Hakkai answered.

" God bad ideas, Jeez I swear you're doing this on purpose!"

"This time I was totally innocent." He chuckled and called out to the angry man before them. " Hey Sanzo you're supposed to chase her when she runs off like that."

"Shut. The. Hell. Up." They caught up to Lirin who was now practically jogging in place. She confronted them by childishly sticking her tongue out and putting her thumbs to the sides of her head making a stupid hand gesture.

"You can't catch me!" She cried taunting her golden-haired hunter. She turned back as if to run when he grabbed her arm.

" Tag. You're going to hand over the damn food now." She pouted but knew that he had won. She immediately turned to Yaone who was holding their lunchbox; the box was actually very pretty with delicate designs over a black background, However when she took off the lid it was filled with junk food in absolute disorder. One thing in particular drew Sanzo's eye. A meat bun. He pointed to it feeling his own mouth water, which was very strange since he did not even like meat buns. He asked Lirin if he could take that as part of their screwed up deal and quickly separated it into a smaller piece. Hakkai helped remove Goku from his shoulders so that Sanzo was able to wave the delicacy back and forth under his monkey's nose. As soon as his nose recognized the delicious treat his mouth opened and consumed the piece of food and more. Sanzo growled when Goku bit down hard into his hand.

" Goddanmit Monkey!" He yelled punching the top of Goku's head. His golden eyes fluttered open in confusion.

"Huah?" Goku suddenly felt something inedible in this mouth and when he looked up into steely violet eyes he knew he was in deep shit. He pulled back and wiped his mouth on his sleeve smiling stupidly, "I didn't know you tasted like meat buns!" he exclaimed in sheer amazement.

" I'm going to count to ten and if you're still here, you're dead." He hissed.

" Goody Goku can play with us!" Lirin called out disappearing.

"Wait Sanzo-"

"One."

" It was an accident, I didn't mean to bite yo-"

"Two."

"What the heck?"

" Relax monk, look the chimp's okay put the gun away."

" You're next Gojyo."

" Like hell I am!"

" I vote for a new game." Hakkai offered.

" Like what?" Sanzo scoffed.

" I spy with my one good eye something liberating"

" That's easy, no Lirin, next!" The red-haired man yelled making a fist and hitting the air.

"I heard that pervert!" Lirin squealed as she 'bulldozered' back and proceeded to head- butt Gojyo in the stomach. He gasped and tried to trap her in a headlock.

"Okay my turn!" Goku asserted, "I spy with my little eye something GROSS!"

" Sanzo?" Gojyo instantly answered.

" NO Look!" the boy screeched pointing to something on the ground. They all saw it, a rotting demon corpse with flies dipping in and out of its slack jaws. Goku's finger started to tremble as he continued to point at the wretched, lifeless, being. " Do you think that there are others like us?" He asked unsteadily.

" No Monkey, there are no bodies to look at once we're through with them."

" Oh right." He scratched the back of his head in a nervous act. Gojyo walked up to the body studying its skin coloring closely. It had a strange green sheen, not a pretty Hakkai's eyes color but a wilted flower kind of look. He shook his hair out of his eyes and also observed how all the veins stood out dark blue running every which way.

" What could have caused this Kai?"

" I'm not sure." That scared the shit out of him. Sanzo stepped forward, threw his cigarette down, and continued on as if everything was absolutely normal.

" Hey Sanzo, don't you think we should-" The youngest of the group spoke out.

" No."

Of course the human wouldn't care if there were millions of dead demons, make that people too, life didn't concern him, only his own. Gojyo knew deep down that he was wrong, dead wrong, but sometimes his anger got the better of him.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fic was originally supposed to be a one shot and part of me wishes I did not continue, so I may end up just stopping . . . maybe.

Oh BTW: The chapter title stems from a commercial for the board game called Sorry.


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